I'm back.

Total Bilirubin - 4.0 (very high, but normal for me)
Whities - 3,800 (low for you, good for me)
Hemoglobin - 14.6 (normal!)
Hematacrit - 40.3(normal!)
Platelets - 167,000 (normal!)
ANC - 1,800 (low for you, good for me)

Chest Xray - normal

Good counts and good diagnostics. Been having some problems sleeping/breathing for the past three weeks, went to see Dr. Cripe to get to the bottom of it.

His recommendation. Slow down. Take some time. Relax.

I'm going to try and do this. Been a wild couple weeks in my personal and work life, starting to wonder if it has taken a toll on my physical health. I have good people around me but I seem to forget that I can't do it all, all of the time.

It's nice to get some affirmation from the doc and his practitioner (Theresa). My only complaint is that Theresa always makes me cry. She tells me it will be ok (which I know it will) but somewhere between her hug and her soothing tone, I lose it.

Admittedly, its kinda unfair. Here I was in the waiting room with essentially a winning lottery ticket as far as blood cancer's go and I'm still worrying about me. Even today, I'm sitting next to a girl probably 10 years younger than me, hair free with a chest port. Based on what she was saying, I'm betting she was only diagnosed a few months ago (she didn't know the jargon but I understood what she was saying). It's a pretty unfair world we live in - and she was living proof.

I can't imagine working in that place.

Cancer get's you an immediate wave but sometimes you have to work for it. For example, when I went to get my chest xray today - the woman at the counter was really busy and a little unpleasant...until she read my chart and they it was almost like 'oh shit, this guy has enough on his plate and shouldn't have to deal with my angry ass'. She pretty much pulled a 180 and was delightful for the rest of our time together.

Better get moving. Feeling better already now that my counts are solid.

Followup

1. Cardiologist appointment at 8a - I gotta figure out why I'm so short of breath.

This visit included an EKG (normal), Heart Ultrasound (will be read next week) and a further diagnosis of anxiety. I like this guy (Dr. Kourany), I feel like he listens and is compassionate. I still think there is something going on that both the Cardiologist and Oncologist are missing, but would agree that the anxiety is probably affecting my overall health.

2. Pull Maris' room apart and paint the remaining walls blue.

Complete. Well, I actually still have one wall to complete but I ran out of paint. It looks sooooo much better and brighter. Hard to believe my little girl is growing up so fast.

3. Laundry - Holy crap do I produce a lot of funky clothes.

Sorta, I got a lot of loads done, but none of them folded. Right now I have three baskets of clean clothes getting more wrinkled by the minute. Kris and the kids just headed to the pool so I should probably revisit the laundry.

4. Lunch

Sorta, Kris brought a Jimmy John's sandwich home with her, but it wasn't until 2 so I had already eaten. I think I may revisit said sandwich in a minute.

5. Run to Fuseks for some hardware...man do I like hardware (slide locks, trimmer line, etc)

After my cardiologist appointment, Kris and I went to visit a new daycare for Eli that better suits his needs. It was a great trip and worth of a blog entry on its own. After this visit, I ran to Fusek's True Value and purchased hardware.

6. Dog food. Apparently pets like to eat. Check for Koi or large comets.

Thank you Kristin for picking this up. Apparently holistic dog food is affected by the flooding and corn futures pricing. Our dog food is now $50 per bag! I'll be picking up 10 comets for my mom tomorrow morning before we head up there for lunch.

7. Clean out frog aquarium (he was sent to my Ma's pond for a more spacious abode)

Yeah, this didn't happen.

8. Eye doc appointment. (Ocular health is an important indicator in your overall health).

This did happen. Turns out my meds may be causing me to retain some water in my ocular cavity and thus are causing my left eye to show signs of Glaucoma. Too early to tell, but I'll be back in a month for further testing to see how good or bad the news is. They even talked about doing an eye ultrasound - I'm sure that'll feel good and be cheap ;-). If there is any good news, a diagnosis of Leukemia prepares you for pretty much any news so I'm not terribly upset about it.

9. Home, prepare dinner for the thundering herd.

We got word Thursday night that we had a showing request for 5:30 on Friday. So we cleaned up, packed up the kids, dogs and toys for the trip to my mom and dad's. Dinner was burgers and the running joke is to put mini-carrots in the cheetos bag as to fool unsuspecting snackers.

10. Pass out.

Mission accomplished.

Gotta go - Macaroni and cheese special on Food Network. The winning dish looks to be a poach lobster/Mac n Cheese cake (a la crab cake).

hemo update.

Whities - 3,400 (down a bit)
ANC - 1,700 (down a chunk but still decent, normal is above 1,500)
Platelets - 150,000 (down a chunk, but still right on the edge of normal)
Hematocrit - 37.3 (up a tick)
Hemoglobin - 13.2 (down a tick)

In short, pretty decent news. You can look at it a couple of ways, but my feeling is that my counts are pretty good in spite of the medicine and at the very least - my numbers are still under Gleevec's control. The worry would be if my counts really started climbing because then we'd have to revisit the Gleevec dosage or look to other meds.

I've been under the weather a bit so I'm thinking that probably affects my ANC/White numbers. For those of you new to this - the ANC is actually a derivative of the percentage of fighters in your white blood cells. In my case - exactly 50% of my white blood cells are fighters. No too shabby.

walk in these shoes.

It's no secret that my health is not the best...and frankly, it's never been all that great. I was blessed with Leukemia, an broken gall bladder (I kicked that fool to the curb a few years ago) and a host of other gastro issues.

Sometimes I'll be driving and see a 60 year-old guy in a convertible and wonder - how is that guy feeling? Is he really as happy and healthy as he seems with his gray mane flowing in the wind. If I could, would I want to switch my body with him. I, of course, try to straddle the line of being positive but still wondering in the back of my mind...Did I get the short end of the stick in the health gene pool?

Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't trade my life for anybody else's. I've got two great kids, a fantastic wife and wonderful family near and far. My dog is loyal and my life is just about perfect in everyway (with one notable omission).

Still, I admit that I'd be lying if I wasn't a little jealous of people who can go an entire year without getting sick, tired, weak and otherwise health compromised. Jerks.

I just got back from the lab where they took another five vials of blood. Today they're checking my Bilirubin, my complete Metabolic profile, a CBC and a couple others. I should hear back on most of them this week but will probably wait until my July 9 appointment with the good doc for the full breakdown.

So so.

Just got back from outpatient radiology at Methodist for a chest x-ray.

Been feeling ok, but still some shortness of breath so the nurse practioner wanted to take a closer look and make sure the Gleevec wasn't causing me to retain water in my lung and heart cavity. I'm guessing I won't hear anything for a day or two, but will keep you all posted.

I'll wear my Clarian ID bracelet around the office for the rest of the day so I can extend the sympathy a little longer.

We got my mom and dad off to Paris yesterday. I think they were to arrive around 2am Indy time and Mike was going to pick them up at the airport. He called yesterday a little nervous that the three people and all the suitcases wouldn't fit in his A3.

Since my parents are gone - we are in charge of their most prize possession...Macy. She is a great house guest and seldom leaves her bed aside from chow time and the occasional pee break. It's obvious she misses my mom and dad, but we try to include her in family time so she doesn't get too lonely.

On the home front, Kris and I found a cool mid-century dresser set for Maris' room. It had pretty good bones, but needed some updating. Yesterday, I stripped all the old sealer off and veneered the drawer fronts with maple. It still needs paint and some poly, but we hope to have it in her room later this week.



Onward and upward.

eh.

Feeling pretty mediocre lately. Not horrible, just eh.

I'm just going to assume its my medicine mixed with anxiety and move forward.

The good news is...we were finally able to take a family trip in Edith. I don't have the pictures with me, but will get some posted later today. Kris and I loaded the kiddos into the new car seats and we hit the road for about a half hour on Saturday night. The car seats took some searching since booster seats for kids Eli's size rely heavily on the shoulder belt...something that doesn't exist in most cars pre-1980. We finally found a nice seat that Maris can use after Eli out grows it (he's got another 20 lbs to go). Eli and Maris were donning their pajamas and sunglasses for the event and it was a nice way to wrap up Kristin's birthday.

Also this weekend, Eli and I set up camp in the basement for two fun filled nights of sleeping in the tent and roughing it. I managed to find a nature CD online so that we could fall asleep to the sounds of the forest. Admittedly - the owls were a little creepy, but it helped it feel more authentic than sleeping in our backyard where the only nature you hear is some vagrant pissing on my fence.

My mom & dad are officially transitioning to Indy tomorrow. Their house is now empty and the POD will be picked up this afternoon some time. I believe their closing is Tuesday around 11 and they will hit the road to Indy shortly thereafter. Our entire family is really looking forward to having them here not just in the near term but for years to come.

Better get off to work.

Mortality and Perception.

It doesn't take much to remind me how lucky I am. Great family, great wife/kids, great coworkers/job and frankly - a pretty great diagnosis if you have to get cancer.

I follow a couple cancer blogs and some are more positive than others. One of the more sad ones, is about a young woman and her fight with Lymphoma. Its an essay she wrote for Glamour Magazine that I invite you all to read here.

Its wonderfully written and can really open your eyes to how to stay positive in light of so many bad things in our lives. I promise, you will at least crack a smile when you read it.

All clear.

Had my appointment with Dr. Dugan on Friday. It was nice because he only works a half-day and I was his last appointment. I got some good one on one time with him and he essentially told me...relax.

In so many words, I was told "you're great, you're responding well and anxiety is not going to help you heal any faster."

I, of course, agree with him and certainly in my own mind I think I'm handling everything really well. It sounds like I need to pay attention to my body, but don't obsess about little aches and pains. The good Doc also made it clear that most everything questionable I am feeling is related to the Gleevec and not the Leukemia.

Anyhoo. My parents found a house...which is great. I am really looking forward to having them here. Hard to believe that in just six weeks they'll be Indianapolis residents. They have lots of work to do, not to mention a wedding in France to attend so I'm sure they'll be spent by the time this all gets wrapped up.

I got Edith back on Friday after her first overhaul. Thank goodness we have the government rebate check coming because we're in about $1,500 already. I really shouldn't complain because for a 44 year old car, she received a pretty clean bill of health. Most of that bill was for an overhaul of the entire suspension (front and back). The bushings were old, cracked or non-existent so now we have a soft, supple ride. The owner of the shop called her a 'baby doll' of a car. I agree.

She is back in today to have the floor pans patched and next week we'll get the exhaust replaced. From there we'll redo the carpet and get the stereo installed. I guess all that's left after that is to enjoy the summer.

35 and 2.

Maris and I share a birthday today. Her's is the 2 and mine is the 35.

All things being considered, it's been an OK year. I can honestly say that just three months ago, I wasn't sure I was going to see my 35th. Needless to say, I've learned a lot since then and feel really good going forward.

Even before I was diagnosed, I paid pretty close attention to my body. While I was probably a pain in the ass for Kristin as I constantly diagnosed myself on the Internet - I'm glad we were able to catch my Leukemia early enough for effective treatment. The challenge for me is that now I'm even more sensitive to changes in my body at a time when it is probably going through the most changes to date.

I probably need to step back a bit and not let my head run the show as much. I have been a little under the weather the past 24 hours and it just feels different than before. So much of this is getting used to my 'new normal' and not repeating mistakes of that past the lead to panic and ultimately feeling worse. I am going to see Dr. Dugan as a precaution tomorrow, but I expect everything will be business as usual.

No big birthday plans other than to spend some quality time with my family. My mom and dad are down looking at homes this week and to help celebrate Maris' ushering into the terrible twos.

I'm lucky to have so many wonderful folks around me and to have a family that I can't wait to get home to.

The calm before the storm.

EARTHQUAKE HITS THE MIDWEST. Admittedly, it was a little weird and quite unnerving. It was only a 5.2 followed by several 2.x ones and then a periodic 4.x.

At my office, I am sitting under probably 12" of 100 year old concrete and surrounded by no less than 500,000 bricks. All of a sudden a building that is great for tornado protection is horrible for earthquakes. What's more, where the hell do you run - I guess you head outside away from old, brittle structures but the fact of the matter is...the ground is still moving. Apparently, the midwest is ripe for a doosey of a quake and nobody knows when. These quakes are several hundred miles away but the large sheets of bedrock miles under the earth help radiate the energy miles and miles away.

As if I needed something else to worry about...

Health has been pretty good, though I did forget my pill last night so I'll be playing catchup for a couple days. I generally don't feel as crappy as I used to post-pill so this morning may be a little rough, but not enough to send me home.

The weather has been pretty awesome the past week so we've been getting to the park pretty regularly and riding bikes as often as we can. The bike we purchased for Eli last year is a little small now (it looks like a clown bike) so we ordered a new Schwinn for him last week.



Better get off to work.

Boyz vs Men

For any of you who watched Purdue lose to Xavier, you probably had the same feeling I did; "Did I switch the channel to the local high school kids vs dad scrimmage?"

Purdue fought the good fight...but it became pretty clear that they were freshman and the Xavier team were all men. I enjoyed the game and thought we might have had a chance, but it just wasn't meant to be. It was a great year of Boiler basketball and hopefully we'll get three more years of these hard working kids.

As for my health, I'm feeling pretty good. No blood work this week so I'm a little anxious to hear how my numbers are doing next Tuesday. It's a blessing that my meds are working so well so fast, but I'm still so new to it that I like to have the confirmation that things are going well via hard data. The side effects continue to be manageable and the outpouring of support continues to amaze me.

After a pretty good health run in my circle, I'm starting to realize how unfair the world is. About a year ago, a former coworker was told he had a tumor on his pituitary gland, surgery followed but now it's looking like it wasn't enough. This man is a true gentlemen who I've have never known to be anything but courteous, fair and a great dad of three young girls. More recently a current coworker's husband had been losing a lot of weight and a visit to the doctor led to the diagnosis of with what appears to be pancreatic AND colon cancer. As if that wasn't bad enough, they had their first child on Monday. It's hard to say poor me with so much other bad stuff going on around you. It's a quick reminder of mortality and to be thankful for what you have immediately in front of you.

At the office, the Obama Brigade is in full force with more than 20 people coming and going all day. It's quite cool to be part of something like this (even as an observer), but you can quickly tell which coworkers are for him and which are against ;-).

The kids and Kristin are doing well. As my energy returns, we are able to get back to a more active lifestyle and expect that will only increase as the weather warms up.

Farewell.

Just dropped off Kristin and the kids at the airport for their trip to the Cayman Islands. Cayman is a beautiful place that has just enough home and just enough remoteness. Kristin's family has a couple time-shares down there on the East end. It's about as far as you can get from the airport and still be on the island (Grand Cayman is about 25 miles long and 3 miles top to bottom). I have only been two times and both times were some of the best relaxation I've ever had. I wish I could have made this trip for a couple reasons.

1. As previously mentioned - this place is magical and wish that I could share the experience with the entire clan. You never realize how much you miss people until you have children.
2. Poor Kristin is now toting two kids under four, car seats, suitcases, etc. through no less than three airports. It's a long story.
3. I could use a little vacation to take my mind of some other things going on in my life ;-).

The fact of the matter is, I agree with Dr. Dugan that I should probably not be exposed to all sorts of foreign germs, viruses and the like. Moreover, even though Georgetown has a hospital that I'm sure is fine - I still feel better knowing that I have a great care only a few blocks away.

So, I'll be a bachelor for part of this week. My mom and dad are coming down on Wednesday to visit and take care of me...and hopefully spruce up the house before the family gets home on Sunday. They don't realize it yet, but I'll be ordering two yards of mulch that will need to be spread.

I just got back from giving blood and have an appointment with my Oncologist tomorrow. I haven't seen him in about a month so I'll be anxious to hear what he has to say about my progress and the next steps. I tend to just listen and nod when he talks so I patiently tapped about a dozen questions into my iPhone that I need to ask. I will give you guys an update tomorrow afternoon. I'm tempted to bring my laptop in to ask him some questions about the hematoma in my leg...now that I have the MRI. Since Doc Dugan is not just an Oncologist but also a Hematologist, I'd like his input about likelihood of it returning and how the reabsorbtion may affect my blood levels.

One more 'For the Record' point...I took my last Allopurinol on Saturday. This means that the only drug I am currently on is the Gleevec. Since most drugs have a whole host of side effects - I'll be interested to see I lose some or gain some.

Another Day, Another...

$4,000. Who knows how much today's tests cost in real dollars.

After all the ER theatrics I had this weekend - I went to my oncologist for a follow up. When talking with them - they decided to admit me for 24 hours and run some test on my lungs and heart to make sure they were functioning correctly.

I think I mentioned on Sunday that the preliminary CT and X-ray showed clear lungs, but as a follow-up they just sent me down to nuclear medicine for some test's I've never heard of.

The first one was some sort of ventilation imaging where I inhaled a mixture of O2 and a Xenon isotope 133. The machine then images the release of this isotope and shows concentrations of oxygen or areas that are not being fully utilized. Apparently the body is smart enough to know that if an embolism or some other sort of blockage is present - it will reroute to a better function area. Pretty cool really.

The second test was an intravenous one with another radioactive isotope. They inject me and then take a series of 8 pictures (2 minutes per picture) as they rotate around my lungs. This shows more about circulation and less about physical anatomy.

Neither test was painful or uncomfortable and when you have Leukemia - people wheel you from location to location on a nice bed. The entire imaging sequence only took about an hour - most of which I spent talking with the technician who was servicing one of the camera units. I was amazed to see that most of the nuclear imaging machines were actually attached to Apple PowerMacs...12 year-old PowerMacs. To put it in perspective, one of the hard drives had just crapped out on one of the units and the technician got a replacement off of eBay. I'm sure Anthem would be delighted to hear that the $2,000 test I just got is stored on a $10 eBay purchase (plus shipping of course).

I miss being home with Kris and the kiddos and am really frustrated that I cannot be more useful around the house right now. I keep asking the question, how much can one woman do and Kris' actions continue to say "all of it".

Admittedly, It's really nice to be here at Methodist in these uncertain times and I can relax while I'm here knowing that my care is unparalleled and I have hundreds of lifesavers around me at any point in time.

The nurse just checked in and told me that my white count is now 5,200. That is another 4,000 drop in the past two days. Most of my other levels are solid so now its just a waiting game until we hear back from the heart doc.

Miss you all.